My sister

Most people do not get phone calls from their father’s girlfriend telling them that their little sister is in the emergency room for eating toothpaste and a blood pressure patch. Most people do not have sisters with autism.

My sister does some bizarre things. In the past, she has eaten entire packages of uncooked hotdogs, her own feces, a balloon, and probably a whole host of other things I don’t want to know about. The older she gets, the more noticeable her autism is. As a five-year-old, it was easy to think she was just a goofy kindergartener with some speech delays. Now at 11, she just isn’t like other kids her age. She stands out, and not only because of her height and big grey eyes.

It is hard to relate to Sarah. She doesn’t pay much attention to others, at least not in a typical way. It’s hard to tell if she’s heard what you said or is just mindlessly repeating something she’s memorized. I struggle to get more than one-word answers out of her, unless the question is something that interests her (dinner being the major thing). She still sucks her thumb whenever she isn’t instructed not to. If she isn’t watched carefully, she will eat anything – absolutely anything. She is also curious, loving, and hilarious. Her imagination is boundless. She knows how to coyly deflect or offer criticism with a little smile and a funny comment. (She once asked our dad, who had just woken up from a nap, “What are you doing with your hair, Dad?” Another time, when Dad asked if Sarah had taken his glasses, she retorted, “The case of the missing glasses, by Sarah Vance.”)

It’s easy to write off autistic kids as slow. However, the truth is most have above-average intelligence. Sarah fell far behind in school because special ed teachers let her. I’m usually the last to criticize educators, because I know how hard they work with so little. In my sister’s case, though, their failure was un-ignorable. They decided that her outward disabilities indicated a lack of cognitive skills and development. They told my parents repeatedly that Sarah would never be able to do grade-level work or behave well enough to be in a “normal” classroom. She takes after her big sister in her ability and desire to prove people wrong. It’s been slow going to ease her into a “normal” fifth-grade classroom, but that is where she spends her days. At the end of the first semester of the current school year – the first in which she has spent whole days in her own grade save kindergarten – she received all B’s. My sister who cannot read (“she memorizes and repeats”), do basic math, or understand story construction received above-average grades doing a full semester of work meant for “normal” kids of her own age. Straight B’s would be enough to make many parents proud, but mine in particular should beam. Sarah has proven them all wrong, catching up almost completely on the four years of education stolen from her and shown everyone how smart she is.

None of this is to say that she is “normal.” My baby sister is far from a typical kid. She experiences life through a lens that most of us do not. She cannot stand loud noises. She has impulse control problems. She gets stressed out very easily by things most people do not notice. But she offers me these amazing moments of humor and insight that are indescribable to anyone who has never loved someone with autism. She is warm and friendly. She has a beautiful smile and the funniest laugh I’ve ever heard. It is hard to call her my friend the way our brother is, but she is something special to me. She’s my goober. She’s my ray of sunshine. She’s my little sister.

World Autism Awareness Day

Today is World Autism Awareness Day, and all of April is Autism Awareness Month. In honor of my sister, Sarah, who is on the spectrum, 10% of all sales this month in my Etsy shop will be donated to Autism Speaks. If there's something you've been eyeing, now is a great time to buy! I'll be listing more items next week, too.

Today is also my father's birthday, so I'm planning to make a donation in his name to the Autism Center of Tulsa. Happy Birthday, Dad!

and I'm thinking of you, Sarah!

Also, for those of you in Tulsa, head down to Qdoba near 51st and Yale any Monday or Thursday after 4:00 or all day Saturday until April 30. Present this flyer, and 10% of your check will be donated to the Autism Center of Tulsa. Great food and a great cause -- it's a win-win situation!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, one and all!

Who has big exciting plans? We have ballet tickets tonight, so I won't get to engage in any full-on Halloween activities. Unfortunately, my beloved is ill, and I really don't want him to go if he's not feeling up to it. I may need to find someone else to accompany me. We shall see. If I do end up going, I will be wearing this gorgeous dress by Patina, purchased in Atlanta.

Before the ballet, we are going to drop by my dad's house to celebrate my sister's birthday. I made her a ring with a pink S on a purple background, and I'll probably throw in a matching pendant. I also bought the cutest book ever called Doodles that I bought in Atlanta, too. It looks really neat, especially for a young girl with autism who needs to improve her motor skills.

For your viewing pleasure, here's a small treasury of Halloween finds made by my Oklahomies. Click, view, and enjoy!

It's birthday time!

Today is my little sister's 10th birthday. I can't believe it! I was 14 when she was born, a freshman in high school. I remember being so excited to hear about the birth that I called everyone I could think of even though I didn't have very many friends. I came to high school only knowing one other person, so my address book was awfully small until later that year. My dad took my brother -- 2 1/2 at the time -- and me to meet Sarah. I had Jacob hold out his finger so Sarah would grab it. When she did, he got the most disgusted look on his face I'd ever seen him have. He pulled away, and grabbed my leg. I don't think he was excited to have her come home to stay, but he quickly warmed. When she was diagnosed with autism around 6 years old, he became the protective older brother I wanted as a little girl. She still drives him crazy -- especially the more she progresses with speech and age-appropriate behaviors -- but he loves her. We all do. She's the sweetest little girl you could ever meet. She's all smiles and sillies. Ever since my dad's girlfriend moved in, her behavior, speech, and cognitive skills have improved exponentially. She now spends half days in the special-ed class and the other half in the fourth-grade class. She's a little behind her classmates, but I have no doubt she can catch up. I love you, Sarah Bear! Happy birthday!

And for the sake of fairness, here's my brother Jacob, who is 12, and my stepsister/dad's girlfriend's daughter Kaity, who is 13.